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The End Is Extremely Fucking Nigh!

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Time for an update. I've been working too much lately. I want a nap right now more than anything else in this world.

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....

And now that I've decided to update, my mind has gone completely, inexplicably blank. So I guess this is going to be avery brief update, more of a "I'm still alive" kind of thing.

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So I was walking through the mall on the way to work today and they were playing the X-Fiels theme song. This makes me unspeakably happy. Not a whole lot to say today, as I need to finish the shipment for the main office. If only the clients could realize the importance of me doing so and actually getting ahold of me to let me know what is completed and what isn't. Blasted clients.

Hg... Mercury
You scored 76 Mass, 37 Electronegativity, 54 Metal, and 20 Radioactivity!
Quicksilver. You are a contradiction in terms and the largest most grave flaw in this classification scheme... you defy all expectations because, while your interactions with things should be marked by intransigence, inflexibility, and singlemindedness, you manage to slip through and engulf problems and concepts with an impossibly fluid grace. You are an unknown quantity, and one that subsumes others and forces them to reexamine their entire paradigm. Okay, I'm just throwing out grandiose sentences now because I can't rationalize where mercury falls in this scheme... be proud though... its awesome.




My test tracked 4 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender:


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You scored higher than 99% on Mass

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You scored higher than 67% on Electroneg

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You scored higher than 52% on Metal

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You scored higher than 77% on Radioactivity
Link: The Which Chemical Element Am I Test written by effataigus on Ok Cupid, home of the 32-Type Dating Test
Current Mood:
chipper chipper
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so, time for a real update. the office has cleared and i can't send the report til eight, so i'm going to pass some time this way. i can't believe a month has passed since this whole workplace mess started. a month and i feel like today is the first time that i can really breathe again. the promotion is in effect for the time being, though that could potentially change if and when cathy comes back. it's been quite an experience for me. most of it for the better. i'm learning all sorts of things about management. how to deal with employees, that sort of thing. i think it's going well, as well as can be expected. a couple of problems here and there, but hey, this is reality so i can't well expect things to go off without a hitch, now can i?

life has been good. things are settling on the home front up here. em's been hanging out at the apartment, which is nice since she lives there and all. she, holly and i went to pub quiz on tuesday. holly won the lot of us budweiser hats for winning a race that consisted of her rolling an olive across the floor with her nose. girl power indeed. tis the season for tv premiers also. i've already enjoyed arrested development, law and order svu and nip/tuck. tonight is csi. sunday is west wing on a new night and time that i'm not entirely sure i approve of. sunday night seems to be a place where they put older shows out to pasture. rather than shooting them and ending it quickly and painlessly. or something.

spent three glorious days with dad and diane. we went to gettysburg. i am in love. i don't know why i didn't chose to major in history, but i can honestly say that those three days were the most enjoyable i've had in a good long time. spent hours roaming around the battlefield. hours. just stopping off at random sites, seeking out any mention of vermont. mocking the people from virginia to their backs. my father is hilarious. the more time i spend around him, the more i learn about him. and the more i see myself in him. i didn't expect diane to get as into the trip as she did, but by god, it was diane that forced us to go back out onto the battlefield at 8 at night to see if maybe we could find some ghosts, or at the very least get gorgeous battlefield pictures. which i think i did. on both counts. i have to get the photos developed still, but there are bound to be a couple of nice ones. and we sat on a hill near devil's den at 9 watching a slightly glowing grey-clad figure pace back and forth along the road for what seemed like hours, but was probably only minutes before fading into the darkness. eerie, but beautiful and i guess i'll never know. realized my true geekiness when i discovered that i may have a bit of a crush on joshua chamberlain. yeah, i get crushes on dead people. that's normal. drove back from gettysburg on thursday. we stopped at the country's biggest rv show. two hours of pure hell. take 95 degree weather, add 85 percent humidity and sprinkle in a healthy dose of the elderly walking around as if they couldn't see two feet in front of them. plus the extravagence of some of these rvs is ridiculous. who needs a whirlpool spa in an rv? someone apparantly.

quitting smoking is going. not perfectly, but i'm down from about a pack a day to three packs a week. so i'm not really going to complain.

my sibling was arrested. apparantly he was acting as the designated driver on a birthday celebration. he was the only one who refrained from drinking. he was driving someone else's car, toting people home when they were pulled over. the registration was expired. a girl said something uncalled for and the cops made them get out while they searched the car. little did charlie know, but the car's owner had his stash in the car. plus there were empty beer cans in the trunk. so charlie and the cars owner were arrested. now charlie will probably get away with a slap on the wrist and a fine, but i still feel bad for the poor boy. he's more upset by the fact that he was busted for something so trivial than anything else. my mom is freaking out a bit, but she'll get over it. she says that she wishes he didn't take after her so much, that he were more like my father and i. i asked her if it was better to live life to the fullest and not worry about every consequence (charlie) or to overanalyze every action and possibly miss out on some of the moments that make life worth living (me). she was silent for a couple of minutes, long enough to make me think that the line had gone dead before she spoke up and told me that maybe i was right, maybe i had a point in that.

she then launched into her new worry, that perhaps i'm working too much. which i might be, but i think i'm happier when most of my life is full with something to do. too much free time makes me uneasy. i'd rather have something scheduled at nearly all points. bear with me here, because this is going to move into a philosophical foray of how my mind operates. i am, underneath any exterior that i put forth, a relatively simple, boring person. that's not to say that i can't be interesting, but i'm far more content sitting quietly at home reading or writing than i ever will be going out. i am out of my element in bars or at parties. there's too much left to question, too many gestures are misinterpreted. i'd rather be left alone with my thoughts, irrelevent to others as they may be. sometimes that's risky and i've learned over the past couple of years how to seperate myself from my thoughts, to put them to the side and do something else when they threaten to darken. and i'm good with that. this realization, about what i am and am not happy doing, however, has led me to realize that i haven't always been up front with people about how i feel.

right now i feel as if i can do nearly anything i want. i want to write a novel. fine, consider it done. if i were to decide to move to la tomorrow, i feel as if i could conquer anything and become the next big thing. if i were to go to new york i have no doubts that i could reign over the world of market research with an iron fist and a box of doughnuts (this spelling is just for you kerry). its kind of scary to feel this manically self-assured, but i think its something that i could get used to. i'm finally feeling like things are really coming together. that i'm actually finding a footing in this world and that maybe, just perhaps things are going to turn out alright in the end.

with that i'll end this. i have reports and such to finish up before i close up shop. i'll leave you all with a couple of my personal favorites from the long line of joshua chamberlain quotes:



"What I mean by character is a firm, seasoned substance of soul. I mean qualities or acquirements as intelligence, thoughtfulness, conscientiousness, rightmindedness, patience, fortitude, long-suffering and unconquerable resolve."

"The power of noble deeds is to be preserved and passed on to the future. "

"We know not of the future and cannot plan for it much."

"In great deeds something abides. On great fields something stays. Forms change and pass; bodies disappear, but spirits linger, to consecrate ground for the vision-place of souls. And reverent men and women from afar, and generations that know us not and that we know not of, heart-drawn to see where and by whom great things were suffered and done for them, shall come to this deathless field to ponder and dream; And lo! the shadow of a mighty presence shall wrap them in its bosom, and the power of the vision pass into their souls."

And my personal favorite:

"It is something great and greatening to cherish an ideal; to act in the light of the truth that is far-away and far above; to set aside the near advantage, the momentary pleasure. . . and to act for remoter ends, for higher good, and for interests other than our own."
Current Mood:
thoughtful thoughtful
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So, I think I've made the choice to do the friends only thing for a while. There may still be public posts, but anything personal-ish is going to be private. Nothing terrible has happened or anything of that nature, but I think I just want to keep my dull life under wraps. That being said, definitely comment if you'd like to be updated on every mundane detail of my life.
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I need to stop procrastinating. I need to do my homework. I need to figure out what I'm doing in the next few months. I got this Mp3 player yesterday. It took me five hours to figure it out. To my credit, I wasn't exactly sober whilst figuring it out, I couldn't even really see the directions, so in reality, five hours wasn't that much. Woke up this morning and realized when I got to work that I was still sort of high. Though, again, to my credit, I was one of four people who went to work while still sort of high. Not really high, but the flourescent lights were doing strange things to my head and I couldn't focus worth a damn for about two hours. This is why I don't normally smoke and/or eat pot. Anyways, I need to not eat brownies and I need to put the Mp3 player down. I need to get a good night's sleep. I have to stop looking at my clock and saying to myself, "If you go to bed by 2, yoiu can still get 8 hours of sleep." I should, instead, try to go to bed now and get up a bit earlier so I don't end up running around the house in a frenzy for 45 minutes trying to get my ass in gear. This entry is turning into a rambling, sleep deprived mess right now. I really just don't want to do my religion homework. I will, eventually. My mom's coming up on Thursday night, which will be really great for me. I had a bit of an upset fit last Thursday. Then I went to work on Wednesday and Cathy asked if I'd be willing to work this coming Wednesday and take Friday off instead. Which was perfect because my mom doesn't work on Fridays...so we can spend the whole day together once I get out of classes at 11.

Alright, it's really time for me to get at least two of the notebook entries done for that class. Then maybe I'll put myself to sleep with excerpts from the Stamp Act.
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Day off, how I love my days off. I've still got classes, which kinda means it isn't really a day off, but still, it's close enough. So I was logged on to thefacebook.com. Apparantly my house is now Phi Alpha Kappa...which I didn't know. Interesting. Anyways, classes are good, life isn't too terrible, I'm defnitely not getting nearly enough sleep and I'm slightly paranoid about my ballroom dance class. It's silly, really, but I feel so...incapable. And I know that I'm not the only one, but I feel that way regardless. I had to make a nametag. It turned out to be pretty lame. It's a nice easter-eggy purple and green with sparkles and some sequins. So much for creativity, though I did do a pretty kick ass paint by numbers. That might be one of my new favorite things in this world. Though I feel compelled to finish them in one sitting, which really was putting a stop to my ability to function in any other sort of capacity.

Anyways, I've got an online reading to do for class in the morning, so I suppose I should get around to that.
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talk about how much Emily rocks. She just stopped by work to tell me that I should call her when I finish tonight because she'd really rather I didn't walk home when the temperature was in negative degrees. Then she asks if I need a soda or anything because she knows that I'm not going to get out of the office much and that the only soda near the office is pepsi, most definitely not Cherry Coke. Now she's going to tell Holly that she also needs to call when she finishes for the night. I really am a lucky person to have people like these girls in my life. And so many people like that.
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They're sending out e-mails about commencement...it's still...only four months away...that really doesn't seem like that far away. That and the fact that my mom's already on my back about making dinner reservations. Which I suppose I should if it's coming up that soon, what with so many other people graduating and probably all going out to dinner with their families on the 21st of May. I know it's a bit early to start feeling slightly panicked, yet there's something vaguely reminiscent of the incline on the first hill of a roller coaster winding itself up in my stomach...if that even makes sense to anyone other than me. It's not that I'm worried about not graduating, because I know that I'm going to. It's the idea of having to actually take those last couple of steps to being an adult. I've already moved out on my own, been working almost full-time and thought about what I want to do, but not I'm going to have to put some effort into doing that which is going to make me really happy.

Anyways, random rambling. Homework again.
Current Mood:
slightly ill
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You know you have good friends when you're tired and want to mope. They pick you up from work when the temperature is in the double negatives. They order hawaiian pizza for you, with garlic knots and regular soda even though they'd probably prefer diet. They buy you a paint-by-numbers with a wizard and a dragon coming out of the clouds. They listen to you ramble on about work and even about how you'd love to open a roller skating rink music theme nights. They even decide that they'd like to join in, some suggest costume nights too. They make comments that make you laugh and make you smile when you think that it's the last thing you want to do. I just feel really lucky sometimes...

In other news. Started classes. They're going to be work, but I'm realy enjoying them. The Brit History's going to be fun. Last semester was a lot of religious turmoil in the earlier British history. This semester we're going from Pride and Prejudice to Punk music in 70's London. Ballroom dancing should be fun too. There are about six guys in the class and maybe 50 girls...nearly everyone of which is nervous about dancing with other girls...what do they think we're going to do, conjure more guys? People can really be far too uptight for their own good.

Talked with my stepmom today. It's been a couple of weeks. I'm really lucky in regards to her. Joel (mom's boyfriend) too. It's silly really, but it is like having double the number of family. Anyways, I called Diane before she left for work. She wanted to make sure I could get packages here. She went online, which she doesn't often do, she had her brother help her find a book on the history of tea for me. She has a copy that her sister in law gave her before she died. She cherishes it and wants me to have my own copy. I asked her for a teapot for me for Christmas, which she did, a beautiful one. I also mentioned wanting to start having teas at my house. This book has how to guides from proper prepration to foods to serve at different ceremonies as well as a compendium of teas and their histories. I'm really excited about this. She was a bit concerned that I might not have been so excited, but I think the conversation put her mind at ease a bit. She's learning a bit more every year, understanding more and more that I"m really just a great big geek. I feel so bad for her right now. Dad's in Manchester, NH and she's in Arlington. He's there Monday morning through Friday afternoon and they don't get to see one another nearly as much. I never really used to think that they really loved one another. I knew that they cared about each other, that they would do a lot for the other. But the past two years have been different. It makes me really happy that they've both found something. It may have taken them nearly fifty years, but they're happy. The same with my mother. It was over forty years, but she's happy in life right now, as is Joel. I know I can be a cynic when it comes to love. But I really do think that things will happen when they're meant to happen. That there's no sense in rushing things because it really might take thirty more years for it to happen and that I really should just do what works for me at this point in my life...or something.

Anyways, I think I should do a bit of homework...the paint by numbers is great, but it's going to keep me far to occupied for a long time. Must read about myth and reality and how it pertains to religion. Or write the notebook entry/entries. I can do three of the four for next week this weekend, as well as the reading and not have to think about it next week. I also need to make a nametag for ballroom dance. most creative tag wins a prize...I'm going to plot.
Current Mood:
content content
Current Music:
Holly brushing her teeth and gargling
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So, having just had my ego stroked pleasantly, I'm in a good, good mood. Apparantly Mark was quite pleased with how well I handled things this weekend, saying that he wouldn't have wanted to have been in my shoes at all, but I really handled things well. I'm going home at six tonight instead of eight thirty. I have tomorrow and Thursday off, peace and quiet. Holly's gone for a couple of days and Emily isn't home yet. Jill just came in and offered to give me a ride home. I wanted mozerella sticks so badly. Then Jill pointed out that I had $50 worth of gift cards to Price Chopper. SO I'm getting what I want. Anyways, more later maybe.
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